adoringpast | ic inbox for recolle part deux;

[ it's not that mizuki knew of their parents' divorce, but the fact that his wishy-washy father barely told his own son about his own grandparents pretty much shows how he didn't take it very well. ]

it's ironic, really
my father probably has some deep-seated abandonment issues for so long bc of what happened back then
yet chose to treat me like this even now

[ it's a good thing this is a textual conversation, because mizuki would've hated how bitter and betrayed he'd sounded. he can never be used to vulnerability, especially when it comes to this spotty part of his own family tree. at least his mother's side isn't as bad as this... which still isn't a good thing because she's still just as neglectful but

you know ]

you don't have to force yourself if you don't want to, kei-san
just bc you're in this app now
i haven't exactly been warm to you the few times we've met either

[ arriving here from japan when he was still 14 years old feels like it happened yesterday, tbh. kei-san's trying so hard, though... it's one thing to reject someone who's being too desperate in becoming friends with him, but he's family whether he likes it or not.

and. well. it's not like he hates kei-san either. mizuki sena can hold a grudge and carry it to his grave but is he really that cruel enough? ]

Edited 2018-02-10 11:43 (UTC)

I cannot begin to understand my brother. I wonder if he was afraid to get close to anyone, but forgot the reasons as to why. The reasons for why we do what we do is often forgotten over the years. It becomes habit then nature. But that doesn't excuse it.

I'm sorry for his actions and inactions. Someone must take responsibility and I believe that he won't. But someone must say that they're sorry for how they failed you.

[ Kei mulls over Mizuki's resentment -- that which he can hear in the words back to him. He never felt that over what happened, but he has always been a defective person. But he wouldn't call that bitterness refreshing. It is more that he thinks it is good that it is said, at all.

And he reads over the words how he doesn't have to force himself. If he thinks about it, no, he doesn't want to do anything. He would rather continue to fill his life with emptiness and apathy. He would not be happy; he would not be suffering; he'd simply exist within a void of space outside of everyone. Like usual. Like normal. But in that void, he believes that something would become twisted and painted black without his knowing.

So, if he ties a lifeline to himself, he thinks he'll be fine. ]

It isn't only because I have this app now... though, that is part of it. It's because I can be aware of the world finally.

Just because you have not been warm to me does not mean that I resent you or feel reason not to reach out to you. As I said before, I never felt any anger about your cold response to me. If anything, I felt it was normal.

So, you needn't worry about me.

[ for someone who always sounds detached, kei's words just has been the nicest thing that mizuki's ever gotten so far. maybe it's because it's a little to hard to distinguish tone in text, but mizuki's willing to pretend that maybe these words of his would still hold some water.

kei-san is a good person, he muses. too bad his nephew is anything but. ]

you shouldn't apologize for his sake neither
it's not your fault

i still don't know much about you, kei-san, and tbh im still kind of wary since that's how ive been raised all this time but
maybe we can start somewhere?
small steps, maybe

[ like what kei's remembered so far from the app, but that's way too personal, and as if mizuki's going to start revealing his shitty past as a war-torn idol to him anytime soon. ]

I thought you might think it is about fault, but I am. I may not be at fault for his actions, but because I never attempted to reach out, I never noticed what was happening.

Indeed, you will say that you wouldn't accept it and that you are still wary of me. But as an adult and your family, I should still have done more. Estranged or not.

Yes, small steps are good. Let's see, shall we do something easy? We will eventually be spending some time together -- I did not buy that package of juice and sweets for myself, after all -- but a little bit of groundwork will make the situation less uncomfortable, I hope.

So. Do you have any questions for me?

excellent
not that i don't trust you, but i thought that you're the type to switch them out for your tofu again when i do come back

i only have one question though and you don't have to elaborate since it's a personal matter
but have you remembered anything since getting the app?

... no.
But that certainly is a good idea.
So, shall I ask that you not do anything reckless while you are out -- or I take that suggestion to heart?

[ Oh, that question. ]

Yes, I've started to remember one or two things.

ah.

[ should he.... press for more info? is he even interested in what his uncle's memories are about? ]

well in any case, it's a good idea to talk about those to someone you really, really trust
im not saying you're obligated to share them to me since they're private information but
ive been in this app for almost a year now so if anything you should ask me for clarifications about the app should you have some

Then, I should do as I said I would.
I shall trust in you, Mizuki.

I will tell you them.
They may be private, and they may be shameful.
But you felt that way about how my brother was treating you, right?
If I am unable to share a little with my nephew, I believe all the talk I gave on wanting to make things different between us would come to be a lie.

And I certainly will ask for any clarifications that I need.
At the moment, the only clarification I need is -- are you all right with accepting the trust I wish to place onto you?

[ why does it feel like he's about to make a very heavy decision? maybe it's because of how cryptic kei-san can be at times, and how this is a textual conversation. it's like signing a contract...

but honestly, mizuki doesn't have a reason to distrust kei right now. they're taking this whole familial relationship thing one step at a time, right?

this should be fine. totally. ]

all right
you can count on me

[ though telling his uncle about the crappy things he'd done in his memories is another thing entirely. we'll see. ]

Edited 2018-02-17 12:13 (UTC)

Thank you.

...

A young girl was sobbing outside of a graveyard. Her father had just passed away. Her mother seemed invalid and wheelchair bound. Her father seemed to have been a mentor to me, and the manner in which I spoke to the girl hinted that I may have been her guardian. Yet she refused all attempts for me to help her. I can only suspect it is because she had no trust in me for one reason or another.

It is that memory that I wanted to trust you with, because it is what compelled me to speak to you, Mizuki.

[ that's... kind of similar with their predicament right now, isn't it? ]

im sorry
for that girl, i mean

have you seen her around in the city? because there's a chance that she might be on the app

I feel sorry for her, too.

I have.
I am friends with her father, actually, and was told to watch over her. He still lives in Japan and was worried about his daughters coming to be here in this city.

I do not believe she has regained any memory yet of our connection in another world.
So I have to be somewhat delicate.
Even if it is "her" father, it is still telling her that her father died when she was a child.
I will wait until she returns from the mission to have such a talk with her.
It is hardly the sort of thing that one can talk about through this app, right?

[ IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY'RE IN THE SAME GROUP RIGHT NOW ACTUALLY.... not that sena knows rin that much just yet. ]

you have a point
im still not sure whether our families in our past lives are still the same people in this world
but depending on the person that kind of news would still deliver the same impact

you could talk to her through the app now but it really is better if you talk about this with her face to face
that's something too personal for you though so im not going to pry but
i'll wish you good luck
and try not to be too weird around her, all right?

It is true.
I am glad you feel the same as I do.

Thank you for the luck.
And for letting me trust in you.
I promise to only be my usual eccentric around her.
But also, Mizuki, if there is anything that you need, do not hesitate to ask.

ic inbox for recolle part deux;

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