adoringpast | ic inbox for recolle part deux;

ic inbox for recolle part deux;

mizuki sena

i literally woke up this morning with a sigh of relief and said to myself... im really that bitch huh

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

But even if I'd told you sooner, would you still accept this? Still accept me for who I was and who I am till now?

[ it was easier to talk about this with goro, since they'd done worse in their memories, have acknowledged them and strive to become better people in spite of their pasts coming back to haunt them, but this is different. mao had seen him in his memories, seen how terrible he really was. mizuki wanted to believe that he and izumi are not the same -

but did mizuki even change? tried to separate himself from izumi? he's still a jackass even in this lifetime, so how's that any different from izumi?

he averts his eyes from mao, totally defeated. ]

Hating me would've been easier for the both of us. I'm used to it, even now. You don't have to take my side just because we practically grew up together.

Edited 2018-02-17 12:51 (UTC)

Yeah, well since when do I take the easy way through anything? [ It makes some stubborn part of him kick in, to hear that Sena's used to being hated. Of course Mao knows and has seen first hand how Sena alienates people but he'll be damned if he's going to go down without a fight. ]

I'm not taking your side. Even if I wanted to, would you let me? Hating you would be easier for you because you'd get to push me away some more but I'm not OK with that. If you really want to be different from that guy then do it. You know enough now what he's like. And... you know what? If you can't be different from him then take it out on me, not Makoto. He's starting a new life here too, he's doing his best, and he doesn't deserve it.

[ And he doesn't know if Makoto can bear it, but Mao won't say that. He's not sure he can either but he'll take the brunt of Sena's disdain if it'll keep him from pouring it onto Makoto. Maybe that'll be enough to keep Sena from going down that other road here, and if Mao can stop him from becoming that person he saw in his memory while also protecting Makoto, maybe, maybe it's worth what he'd lose in the process. He won't know until it's too late, will he? ]

[ sena knows that makoto doesn't deserve it, doesn't have to get the largest brunt of this entire ordeal just because sena doesn't know how to process feelings. but - ]

Why would you even suggest something like that?

[ his voice is incredulous, not believing what he'd just heard as he blinks owlishly at the younger boy. mao's a good kid, too good to have known sena for so long, yet sena just doesn't understand why he's willing to tag a lot of damage from him for makoto's sake. ]

I'd hurt you just as much. It's something that I can never change about myself nor Izumi. And it's not just Makoto, you know... I've hurt so many people; past, present, and most likely the future.

[ with anya still getting the worst end of the stick, which is why sena's been avoiding her nowadays while gently nudging tsukasa to befriend her. because what else can he really do anymore if his meanness is that hardwired into his system? ]

...And I don't want that to happen to you of all people.

[ Mao wasn't sure what he expected but somehow Sena's reaction still catches him off guard. He thought maybe sarcasm, more shutting down, not this. Sena's unequivocal acceptance of the things he's done makes Mao feel oddly guilty, like he shouldn't have added to that, but he has to remember that he didn't add to it, it was already there.

It still feels pretty shitty, though. ]

You can't change anything about Izumi but it's not like you can't change yourself. You can, and maybe... [ It seems stupid to say out loud, though not as stupid as it would have thirty seconds ago. ] Maybe if it's me you'll think harder about it instead of just going off, you know? The longer Makoto's around and the more you get to know him the weirder it's probably going to get. You're gonna have to do something and so am I. I can't just let this happen.

[ It's not entirely for Makoto's sake that he made the offer. If he needs to be the step Sena grinds down to really rise above his past self, well. Now that he's really seen what that past self could be like, how can Mao not want that for him? ]

[ it really is shitty, the mao was caught in the crossfire between these two. sena didn't want other people to get involved in something like this, but it's too late, and now he has to make it up to him and possibly to makoto as well.

and thus he stands up from his chair, wordlessly walks over to mao, and hugs him. hiding his face on the younger boy's shoulder.

yes, step by step. he knows now that he can never not be less pissy to people because it's just ingrained in him - something that's always consistent no matter what universe he lands in - but if mao's this willing to endure all that... ]

You're right. I need to do something. [ the image of anya crosses his mind. right. that's his top priority now. ] I still need to think more on it but... Thank you, Mao. For everything.

[ In spite of himself, Mao tenses a little when Sena stands. It's not like he expects him to come over and suddenly be Izumi, but he's not sure what to expect. Probably to be hustled out of the apartment, Sena refusing to endure any more pressure into vulnerability from him--

And then he's hugging him and Mao's genuinely surprised but not so surprised that he doesn't hug him back. Sena--Mizuki--is far from the most tactile person he knows so he knows this is serious and he's going to treat it that way. Izumi would never have done this and he's got to remember that, too.

He sighs and even reaches up to pat Sena's hair. It helps when he does it to Mao, after all, but it's also just familiar and maybe that'll help both of them. ]

Of course. But next time, just tell me, all right? So I'm prepared, but also... I can't help you if I don't know what's going on.

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